By Barbara Card Atkinson
Special to MSN Entertainment

To celebrate the upcoming Live Earth festival, I decide to watch 24 straight hours of earth-friendly TV. It seems fitting to ride out one full rotation of the globe while immersed in eco-based programming.

What makes TV "green"? I start channel surfing. I've been told that there's an actual series, "The Green," recently launched by the Sundance Channel, but I don't get the Sundance Channel. I can only wallow in the greenest programming my basic cable package has to offer.

12:01 a.m. I am a little nervous. By midnight, I'm usually drooling into my pillow; instead, I am seated on a lumpy couch, with a plate of snackies and my remote. I launch my eco-thon with "Animal Planet," also known in my house as the "Animal Channimal." The "Channimal" is running a six-week, one-hour series, "Spring Watch USA" This episode's host is wildlife expert Jeff Corwin. I immediately cheer up; Corwin reminds me a little of Jon Cryer, pre-"Two and a Half Men." He has a certain likeability factor, plus he makes a rippingly cool owie booboo face whenever something bites him. All goes swimmingly (I like nature! I think to myself), until Corwin rhapsodically runs color commentary as a corn snake swallows a field mouse. I put down my jalapeńo poppers.

1 a.m. to 2 a.m. It's paid programming time on the network stations. I check cable listings -- my choices are "Roseanne" episodes or Rodney Dangerfield's 1986 comedy, "Back to School." I guess we can call that entertainment recycling.

2:14 a.m. The Weather Channel! I immediately black out.

2:31 a.m. I come to; we're still looking at dew points. There's an ad for "Storm Stories: 1979 Election Blizzard." I make a huge pot of Fair Trade coffee.

3:46 a.m. I've been surfing without luck for a while. Where's the Insomniac channel?

5:04 - 6:59 a.m. News, news and more news. Part of Antarctica, the size of California, melted in 2005. This the most significant thaw in 30 years. I get up and make sure my thermostat is off.

7:02 a.m. Hurray! HGTV is airing "Decorating Cents: Organic Dining Room." This is a clear sign that I'm on the right track! There is green TV out there!
 
7:14 a.m. My hopes are quickly crushed when it is revealed that "organic" in this case means leaf-and-twig colored accessories.

8:29 a.m. It's "Wild Chronicles: Adventure and Exploration." West Bengal elephants are trampling rice fields, wiping out a year's worth of backbreaking labor in mere moments. Elephants also enjoy a bit of a tipple, apparently, and can smell rice wine from far away. Angry, drunken crop workers try in vain to chase off hungry, drunken elephants. "As the world gets smaller," intones the narrator in voice over, "Animals end up where they don't belong." Elephants are migratory animals; they travel to where the food is (not unlike humans; Starbucks has 12,400 stores as of 2006 year-end). I start to work out my argument that humans are ending up where they don't belong, either, but I become distracted, thinking about lattes.

10:19 a.m. The Travel Channel is running a series: "Tribal Odyssey." This morning, we're learning about a group of people, the Shenko, in western Ethiopia, who make their living from selling -- and use as a major food source -- honey. Here in the U.S., bees are disappearing at an alarming rate, perhaps due to a parasitic mite or pesticides. There has already been a widespread loss of colonies in Asia and much of Europe, and there is growing concern here that crops will be greatly affected. Some of the Shenko men keep up to 300 hives; they set up hollow logs hundreds of feet up in trees. If the beekeepers fall, there's no net, no safety harness and no HMO coverage. If global warming affects their colonies, what will they do?

11:42 a.m. Looking for something else "green." I'm discouraged. I'm also queasy. All I can find is The Food Channel's "Food 911: Swordfish Solutions;" I'm being forced to contemplate undercooked fish steaks on an exhausted stomach. The FDA suggests swordfish aficionados consume no more than one steak per week due to mercury pollution the beasties pick up in the ocean, but on "Food 911," the main focus is on making a nice Thai salad.

1:30 p.m. Soap operas are not my forte, but "Days of Our Lives," one of the longest running soaps, has launched the mother lode of green, pop-culture crossover programming: an eco-friendly wedding between two of its most-thwarted, star-crossed lovers. Even though it's not an actual wedding, they are serving an organic wedding cake; the bride is wearing a pure silk wedding gown and jewelry from a certified green business with "conflict-free" diamonds. Are "Days" fans taking note, encouraged to go green, too? Or are they wondering how long Sami and Lucas are going to stay hitched before one of them is felled by amnesia and forgets to separate the papers from the plastics?

3:03 p.m. The eco-pickings are slim. I am caffeinated up to my eyeballs and jonesing for something to do with my shaky hands. Although not technically "green," the queen of projects, Martha Stewart, uses a plethora of natural materials. Sure, she might be tempted to shellac them, but let's give her a chance. I check out her show, "Martha." I hope she's planning to hand-whittle a composter from reforested wood. Alas, she has other things in mind. One of her guests is actor Peter Krause. While I wait for Martha to corner Krause with the old decoupage-versus-found-object mosaics debate, I hop onto her Web site. I type the word "ecology" into her Web site search engine; one entry comes up: a recipe for Grilled Proscuitto-Wrapped Figs With Blue Cheese and Pecans.

3:27 p.m. Back on "Martha," Krause is stealing Martha's tastefully lit spotlight with his apple-blueberry crisp recipe. He's rangy, talented and able to bake; I begin to nod off, dreaming about what manner of heavenly spanikopita that man could conceivably make me; I miss Martha's planned announcement of her chosen Master Scrapbooker.

4:47 p.m. I'm beyond exhausted, and a little goofy. I need something offbeat to keep me going. And, score! It's the Discovery Channel's "Dirty Jobs!" It's not technically "green," but they use the word "dirty," which could conceivably mean earth-based. This show, where the always-affable Mike Rowe signs up for often messy, sometimes grueling gigs, was just made for the 7-year-old in everyone. I find Rowe learning to make flowerpots from cow excrement. Silly as it may sound, the truth is that there are literally millions of plastic flowerpots choking up landfills. People are designing eco-friendly objects like the "CowPots" in this episode, and others from paper, clay -- even chicken feathers. My family walks in just in time to hear Rowe say, "First, a primer on proper poo-plow propulsion."

6:06 p.m. Here's something eco-friendly: "DIY: Home Energy Savings." That DIY channel seems to be cornering the market on eco-TV. The host, Paul Ryan, takes us to one of the most-energy-efficient residences in the U.S. The owner has built his house with earth-friendly materials, meeting the American Lung Association guidelines for a "health-house," following building codes -- all for under $200,000. This is informative, eco-friendly TV! I should be enrapt! But, alas, I have found my Achilles heel: listening to someone talk about a "heat-recovery ventilator unit." My hands feel numb. I don't know if it's that I am tired, or simply so bored that even my circulation has slowed.

7:11 p.m. I'm sticking with DIY. Now we're on "Fresh From the Garden: Recycling in the Garden." I'm hoping we get to discuss CowPots, but no, this is about useful things like capturing rainfall and using building landfill to start a raised bed. I sit up and take a few notes. Here on California's Central Coast, we're currently on a water restriction. The snow pack that feeds into our water supply is currently 29 percent of normal, the lowest in 20 years.

9:01 p.m. I must be delirious. But, no. "The Brady Bunch's" Maureen McCormick really is working her best noncommittal expression in the face of a caviled-yet-hostile "Saved by the Bell's" Dustin Diamond. I check the listing: I am, indeed, watching "Celebrity Fit Club: Men vs. Women." I'm too intrigued and sleep-deprived to touch the remote.

9:44 p.m. Still on "Celebrity Fit Club." I'm riveted. The unfit celebrities are battling the bulge and each other in Denver. I realize, if we don't reduce our carbon dioxide emissions, my children won't grow up in a world where they can watch D-list celebrities snowshoeing in matching squall jackets for monetary prizes and extra air time on VH1. Dear God, will nothing be beyond the hot-breeze reach of global warming?

10:34 p.m. Back to HGTV. It's "Green Dream Home" and how intriguing: The homeowner wanted to live in an environmentally friendly dwelling, so he built his home underground. It's extremely cool, and utterly impractical. Do you know how many disposable toilet brushes were sold last year? Me, neither, but I'll bet it was a lot. People who can't reuse a long-handled toilet brush aren't going to install into their bathroom a composting toilet. I give up.

11 p.m. Surfing again. It's just repeats of "Tribal Odyssey," and more versions of "Law & Order" than you can shake a (reforested) stick at.

12:01 a.m. As I turn off the tube and stagger to bed, I think about what my eco-thon taught me, besides how to mainline coffee and cheese sticks, and how duct taping a remote to your arm is not actually at all useful.

If viewers want to learn about how they can affect the environment, they'd better be watching during prime-time hours. Afternoons and middle-of-the-night viewing offer a vast eco-wasteland, better suited for miracle skin-care shopping and watching 10-year-old sitcoms.

Even during prime time, there isn't much eco-friendly programming out there for the viewing public, and what is shown needs to be packaged attractively and engagingly or people simply won't watch. It's a sad commentary, sure, but it's the truth. Pamela Anderson, for example, hosting a "healthy home" show would probably do wonders to lower greenhouse gas emissions. She'd also bring a whole new meaning to the term, "weather stripping."

I actually was inspired the most by HGTV and DIY -- they offered tips on simple changes we can each make in our own homes; and, the Travel Channel, and not just because I was couch-bound. Seeing how others live -- other cultures, other species -- is a solid reminder that we're all in this one-planet thing together. Stephen Wright said, "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." I hope we can band together to at least tidy it up a bit.